Will this work?

ok, so I’m 53.

And it’s not the same anymore. Things have happened.

Big things? One could argue not, but they have shaken my cocoon of equilibrium.

What have I lost? My mom physically. She was 87, so why am I shaken to the bones?

My daughter… She is 18, I didn’t literally loose her, but my baby is gone. She is an adult with no life experience. Lost, shocked, scared, frustrated, unhappy. I suppose I’m all of that, but with life experience.

My husband… he is still there. So I didn’t. What we’ve lost are filters. When we thought about what we are saying, now we often don’t. Instead of giving in, we keep scores. He did this, I that…

Job… I have it. Does the fact that I’ve helped build the company I work in mean something? It seems it doesn’t. When even your friends tell you, that they see no contribution of yours in the company, where you do a job of a clerk. And you used to do so much more, strategic, cool, bold staff…

So you see – I have a husband, daughter, a few carefully selected friends, dogs and even horses, a job…I’m currently traveling, which I love and I’m financially ok.

So, what the f… is wrong? Germans have a beautiful saying that goes something like complaining from a tall chair. Meaning that you have everything, but still complain. I know I have enough, I do not want more. I want better…

As I’m an introvert, coming from a country where people do not visit psychologists, I decided to write about it. Just for me.

I do hope I realise at the end that Pippi is still the strongest girl in the world. And she didn’t loose it.

To find this out I need to put my thoughts on paper. I need to sort them, think about them and see what makes sense.

So, this is it. Hope Pippi shows me the way to what I can do to be happier in my picture perfect life.